Sexism

I know a surprising amount of sexist people. They don't think they're sexist. They think that they're honest or they think that the Bible placing men in leadership makes men automatically smarter and better. I don't know exactly what they think; it's a fairly new conclusion for me, actually. But I do know that they have a problem - and it's bothered me since I was little.

I was sexist for a long time, too. I thought men were better at everything. I still think that, generally, they're more fun, but that's not a "better as a person" type of thing. "The guys" were what I aspired to - not that I ever wanted to be a boy. No, thank you; but I did want to be accepted by them; I wanted to be equal, but I always "knew" that, since I was a girl, I never could be. I would never be better at anything. My thoughts would never carry as much weight as some other male peer. I would never be invited into their group - because I was a girl. They were the cool kids and I was not because they were boys and I was a girl.

I was wrong on some counts. For some, it wasn't that I was a girl - it was just that I was much younger. As I grew up and matured, the age difference didn't matter so much, and I was accepted. They did invite me to their group. But for some, I wasn't wrong. It WAS that I was a girl, and they are not.

I was told about this man-only church group that was for holding each other accountable. (To be clear, I have no problem with that. Men-only groups are fine; women-only groups are fine. Sometimes, you need someone who thinks like you. I get it.) But the reason I was given for it being a man-only place was because if they invited women, the ladies would respond in a way that disrupted things. They would have an over-the-top response, something just completely unacceptable. That just seems so wrong to me. For one thing, that's a huge assumption. How do you know how the ladies are going to respond? Secondly, if they did respond improperly, do your job as a brother in Christ and gently correct them - don't just kick them out. Women are not any more problematic than men; we're all sinners.

And that's what really gets me. To the sexists, we're a problem. We're not just sinners who mess up; we're not people who might need to have our understanding expanded - WE are a problem. WE cause troubles. WE make things hard for men. It's not a sin issue that we need to deal with; it's not something for someone to come alongside and help us understand. It's sexism. Our gender gets the blame for it, instead of my personal sinful being or simple ignorance. That's bad on two counts. One, it makes all women inferior (actually inferior; I don't use that lightly), and two, it also prevents men from properly holding us accountable. If we respond sinfully, we need to be corrected just like any guy - maybe you need to learn to do it gently, but if you say to yourself, "Well, she's a girl, what do you expect?" you're letting us off way too easily. Either for sin, or for ignorance. Assume the best of us - assume that we are actually smart and assume that we would rather be corrected than excluded.

God made men and women differently but complimentary. Does a multitude of counselors really sound like it's limited to one gender? Sure, you can find a multitude of one or the other, but you rarely get the whole picture that way. We function best and make the wisest decisions when we have the fullest view of something. You rarely have the fullest view when you've only talked to men or to women.


This is not a man-only thing. This is just as powerful coming from a mom as a dad, coming from aunts or uncles. This would be just as damaging (or maybe more so) for my daughter, if I were sexist, even if my husband isn't. That's scary - because I definitely was growing up.

So, let's work on this - for the next generation of daddy's girls - let's not treat the boys as inherently smarter or better. Let's not give little girls reason to grow up thinking that they will never be as important BECAUSE they are girls. Let's not weigh their opinions (or any other woman's; they will notice) as less simply because they are a female, and never, ever, ever let them off the hook for sin because, "well, she's a girl." Emotional outbursts and a lack of self-control are not anymore okay because one is female than infidelity is okay because one is male.