I know a surprising amount of sexist people. They don't think they're
sexist. They think that they're honest or they think that the Bible
placing men in leadership makes men automatically smarter and better. I
don't know exactly what they think; it's a fairly new conclusion for me,
actually. But I do know that they have a problem - and it's bothered me
since I was little.
I was sexist for a long time, too.
I thought men were better at everything. I still think that, generally,
they're more fun, but that's not a "better as a person" type of thing.
"The guys" were what I aspired to - not that I ever wanted to be a boy.
No, thank you; but I did want to be accepted by them; I wanted to be
equal, but I always "knew" that, since I was a girl, I never could be. I
would never be better at anything. My thoughts would never carry as
much weight as some other male peer. I would never be invited into their
group - because I was a girl. They were the cool kids and I was not
because they were boys and I was a girl.
I was wrong on
some counts. For some, it wasn't that I was a girl - it was just that I
was much younger. As I grew up and matured, the age difference didn't
matter so much, and I was accepted. They did invite me to their group.
But for some, I wasn't wrong. It WAS that I was a girl, and they are
not.
I was told about this man-only church group that
was for holding each other accountable. (To be clear, I have no problem
with that. Men-only groups are fine; women-only groups are fine.
Sometimes, you need someone who thinks like you. I get it.) But the
reason I was given for it being a man-only place was because if they
invited women, the ladies would respond in a way that disrupted things.
They would have an over-the-top response, something just completely
unacceptable. That just seems so wrong to me. For one thing, that's a
huge assumption. How do you know how the ladies are going to respond?
Secondly, if they did respond improperly, do your job as a brother in
Christ and gently correct them - don't just kick them out. Women are not
any more problematic than men; we're all sinners.
And
that's what really gets me. To the sexists, we're a problem. We're not
just sinners who mess up; we're not people who might need to have our
understanding expanded - WE are a problem. WE cause troubles. WE make
things hard for men. It's not a sin issue that we need to deal with;
it's not something for someone to come alongside and help us understand.
It's sexism. Our gender gets the blame for it, instead of my personal
sinful being or simple ignorance. That's bad on two counts. One, it
makes all women inferior (actually inferior; I don't use that lightly),
and two, it also prevents men from properly holding us accountable. If
we respond sinfully, we need to be corrected just like any guy - maybe
you need to learn to do it gently, but if you say to yourself, "Well,
she's a girl, what do you expect?" you're letting us off way too easily.
Either for sin, or for ignorance. Assume the best of us - assume that
we are actually smart and assume that we would rather be corrected than
excluded.
God made men and women differently but
complimentary. Does a multitude of counselors really sound like it's
limited to one gender? Sure, you can find a multitude of one or the
other, but you rarely get the whole picture that way. We function best
and make the wisest decisions when we have the fullest view of
something. You rarely have the fullest view when you've only talked to
men or to women.
This is not a man-only
thing. This is just as powerful coming from a mom as a dad, coming from
aunts or uncles. This would be just as damaging (or maybe more so) for
my daughter, if I were sexist, even if my husband isn't. That's scary -
because I definitely was growing up.
So, let's work on
this - for the next generation of daddy's girls - let's not treat the
boys as inherently smarter or better. Let's not give little girls reason
to grow up thinking that they will never be as important BECAUSE they
are girls. Let's not weigh their opinions (or any other woman's; they
will notice) as less simply because they are a female, and never, ever,
ever let them off the hook for sin because, "well, she's a girl."
Emotional outbursts and a lack of self-control are not anymore okay
because one is female than infidelity is okay because one is male.
